an artist’s mom life
Gloria’s speech from the Barbie movie feels so real to this artist and mom
Unless you have been living under a rock, you’ve at least heard this monologue by America Ferrera in the “Barbie” Movie. The whole quote is available below, however the monologue has been stuck with me since watching that movie with my kids.
It made me realize something about my life as an artist. It is creatively fulfilling but it really is a second job for me. First and foremost my job is mom. My kids have things they need from me, like food and shelter. My children’s needs have to come before I get time to sit down and work on something creative. It can be a strange act to try an balance we want to make sure everything is ready and just perfect for everyone, however, that is not always possible.
The Quote:
It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.
You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.
You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.
Gloria’s Speech in the Barbie Movie ~ 2023
Most moms I know are told or think they need to have it all. Perfect job and life existence and time for everything. However, it is not a realistic expectation. I find myself struggling with the balance, and I more often than not find myself working on my art business with every waking moment I can squeeze out.
It is a real struggle that affects the home life balance of all mothers not just artists. Children have needs and I never want my kids to feel like they play second fiddle to my job. Kids want their mother to spend time with them, not ignore them and just draw all the time.
That feeling of being ignored can be mitigated by having honest discussions with my kids about how and why their mom is working. I explain to them that I want them to see that they can have a career and a family, that this all works because their father is an extremely helpful dad who wants to be involved in their lives.
That said I try (not that I always succeed) to make sure that I have special time with them to do fun things that they want to do. We also rotate months where my kids get to pick something special that they do just with me which adds to their feeling of agency in how we spend time and things we do. I am despite that, far from perfect and I can find myself in the zone while working and not realize my kids may need something.
Parents need to also be forgiving of ourselves, we all are tying our best to be good parents and while we won’t always succeed, there is always room to grow and be better. We want our kids to be grounded and well rounded adults and that starts with the examples we show them. If my children see me burning myself out to have it all they will think that is what is expected of them and I really do not want them thinking that is how they should be. I hope I am showing my kids balance and that they need to prioritize the little things.
I am a bit all over the place with this, but I know that I need to prioritize my little ones whenever possible. As they continue to grow I hope I am continuing to set a good example for them.